a framework, and tips and tools to help you manage your priorities and truly focus
on the right things at the right time.
"Time Management for Mother Writers" Live Webinar
Tuesday, December 1
1:00-2:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time
I’m sure many of you have read Lynn Harris’ Salon article “Everybody Hates Mommy,” in which Harris tries to unpack why there is so much anger and downright hatred directed towards mothers, particularly white, middle-class mothers (and particularly those that live in Park Slope).
Whoa, people. The comments that this article elicited are incredible—so many are full of such vitriol that I stopped reading after two pages.
But I’m interested in what Harris has to say. I think one of the important points she makes is that mothers are judged no matter what they do or don’t do. Everyone has an opinion about what makes a “good” mother, and if the mother in front of you isn’t fulfilling the role, well, hell, let her have it.
Another point she makes has to do with the fact that women—and especially women who are mothers—are supposed to be invisible. She says, “Women—still—are not ‘supposed’ to take up space. Mothers, in particular. We are—still—supposed to remain in the background, doing whatever it is mothers do, smiling. We grow a belly, we need a seat, we say ‘excuse me, please,’ we speak up (or, God forbid, blog), and we’ve crossed the line, said or asked too much, become ‘entitled.’”
The reason I do what I do—write about motherhood literature, teach my Mother Words class, host an annual Mother Words reading, work for Literary Mama—is to help create a space where literature (and yes, it is worthy of that word) about motherhood—the varied and complex, often stunning and often heartbreaking writing by women who are mothers, is taken seriously as art. Because of course it’s often not taken seriously for the very reasons that Harris states in her article. Women are still supposed to be quiet. Mothers, especially, should be quiet. We should not write about the truth of our experiences. We should definitely not write against the myths of motherhood.
Motherhood writing is often discarded (or ignored or not published at all) because of its subject matter. But memoir is never so much about its subject matter as it is about, as Brett Lott says, the relationship between the writer and the subject at hand. I don’t like boxing, but I love Toure’s “What’s Inside You, Brother?” and Gay Talese’s “Ali in Havana.” William Zinsser, in On Writing Well, says, “Ultimately, the product that any writer has to sell is not the subject being written about, but who he or she is. I often find myself reading with interest about a topic I never thought would interest me—some scientific quest, perhaps. What holds me is the enthusiasm of the writer for his field. How was he drawn into it? What emotional baggage did he bring along? How did it change his life?”
But it’s funny—and not in a ha-ha sort of way—that when the subject is motherhood, people don’t seem to be as willing to read, to let themselves be drawn in.
One of the people who commented (early, before I stopped reading) on Harris’ article posed this question: “When are people going to start treating respect as if it mattered?” When indeed?
I forwarded the link to Harris’ article to my current Mother Words students, and one of my wonderful students responded with a link to an article in the new online literary journal Candor.
It was "Women Writer + Writer Mother: A Conversation Between Sarah Manguso and Rachel Zucker," and in this conversation, writers Sarah Manguso and Rachel Zucker discuss what they have in common and what they don’t, and both are very honest about what kinds of stereotypes they’ve bought into and what kind of judgments they’ve made about mothers and women who chose not to be mothers. This is a long conversation, but it’s worth the read, and I think it adds another dimension to Harris’ article about the way mothers and nonmothers are pitted against each other. (Which on some level has to do with the cultural myths of motherhood still perpetuated in our society…)
I very much like the way this conversation ends. Rachel Zucker says, “I had assumed that what we had in common was what would bring us close, but of course this is not necessarily true. In our case what brought us closer was a shared interest in exploring a difference between us.”
I wonder what would happen if people were truly interested in exploring differences and similarities rather than pointing fingers and slinging insults at one another. Could we come to some understanding? Could we learn to be kind, to respect each other? Could we—please—learn to respect each other’s writing?
Kate Hopper
This is cross-posted at Kate Hopper's blog, Mother Words: Mothers Who Write.
From former This Girl is Mine LM columnist, Deesha Philyaw:
I'm psyched to report that I'm the new co-parenting columnist for The Faster Times. Currently, my debut article is #1 on the site, trumping news of both Carmen Electra and J-Lo's sex tapes! ;-)
Deesha's debut article is titled "Co-Parenting and H1N1: What if You Don't Agree about the Vaccine?"
101 Inspirational Stories of Energy, Endurance, and Endorphins
Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen & Amy Newmark
Many of you know that we originally planned this book to cover all three triathlon sports - running, swimming, and cycling - and we had titled it Endurance Sports. Our distributor Simon & Schuster advised us that there is much more interest in a book that focuses on running, so we are reorienting the book more towards running, but with a chapter on triathlons and cycling and swimming, since so many runners are fascinated by the prospect of trying out triathlons as well.
We have about 70 great stories selected so far for this book, and are looking for 30 more. Our November 30 deadline is rapidly approaching so we wanted to let all of our past contributors know about this opportunity. Stories about all aspects of running are welcomed: bonding with family, camaraderie, personal challenges, injuries, triumphs and defeats, what running means to you, and humor. we love funny, quirky, and unusual stories.
We prefer stories and poems written in the first person of no more than 1,200 words. Stories should not have been previously published in our books or other major publications. Previous publication in school newsletters, local newspapers, and other small circulation venues is okay.
If your story is chosen, you will be a published author and your bio will be printed in the book if you so choose. You will also receive a check for $200 and 10 free copies of your book, worth more than $100. You will retain the copyright for your story and you will retain the right to resell it.
SUBMISSIONS GO TO http://chickensoupforthesoul.com/form.asp?cid=submit_story
DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 30, 2009. Book is scheduled for publication July 13, 2010.
Mother Words Online, Winter Session 2010 - 10 weeks
February 10 – April 21
Class Description
Whether you are a new mom or a veteran, whether you gave birth to or adopted your child, in this online class you’ll learn how to take birth and motherhood stories and turn them into art. Weekly lectures, reading assignments and writing exercises will focus on telling details, character development, emotional distance, strengthening your reflective voice, and revision. You can expect to generate a number of short creative nonfiction pieces and one long piece. You will receive feedback from your peers and from me through online workshops.
Cost is $275 - $325 (on a sliding scale). Class size is limited.
Contact Kate with questions or to register.
It's been a very positive experience for students (and for me)! Many of my students have been beginning creative writers, but have gone on to publish pieces that they began in class. It's a very supportive and nurturing environment, and is open to writers of all ability levels.
Kate Hopper received her MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of Minnesota. She has been the recipient of a Fulbright Scholarship and a Minnesota State Arts Board Grant. Her writing has recently appeared in Literary Mama, Mamazine, Minnesota Parent, MotherVerse, and nytimes.com, and is forthcoming in Brevity. She is co-editor of Literary Reflections for Literary Mama, and is at work on two books: Ready for Air, a memoir about learning to live with uncertainty, which tells the story of her daughter’s premature birth; and Mother Words, a writing book for mothers. She teaches writing at the Loft Literary Center and online, and she writes about teaching, writing and motherhood on her blog, Mother Words: Mothers Who Write.
Writer's Online Workshops are known for their personalized attention, professional instructors, and small class sizes. Now you can put the courses to work for you to improve your writing. Plus, you'll be able to save on these courses starting in November. Simply enter offer code NOV09 when you register to save 15%!
Featured Courses:
Essentials of Writing to Inspire
Are you inspired to inspire others? The market is ready, even eager, for newcomers who write short and long, fiction and nonfiction, aiming at Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, nondenominational and New Age markets. You provide the content, and this class will help you mold your ideas with an eye to sell. While inspirational or religious writing brings to bear all the basic principles of secular writing, authors who enter this arena also shoulder a special responsibility in what they convey.
Course in Session - Registration still available!
Focus on the Personal/Family Memoir
The story of your own or your family's history is likely to be the most personal, emotionally satisfying, and potentially overwhelming writing project you'll ever undertake. You've collected all the oral history, personal memories, journal entries, photographs, letters and countless other documents. Gain an understanding of the various approaches to personal/family memoir writing and get professional feedback on your specific memoir project.
Course Starts November 19
Fundamentals of Life Story Writing
Learn fundamental creative writing techniques that will help you explore personal and family stories and record life experiences in ways that are creative, entertaining and personally meaningful. This class encourages personal discovery and the development of individual style through the use of directed journaling, hands-on writing exercises, and constructive critical feedback.
Course Starts November 19
Essentials of Writing Personal Essays II: Advanced
Tackle the questions of writing the personal essay, from the practical (how writers balance craft and confession, creation as well as recreation) to the philosophical (examining subjective "truth" in creative nonfiction; considering the ethics of turning life into art). Engage the practice by writing one personal essay per week.
Course starts November 19
Former LM Under the Saharan Sun columnist Jennifer Margulis is now writing a column for Motherhood magazine called Mothering Outside the Lines.
“The thing is, I don’t know if I really want a midwife,” I said to James when I was nearly five months pregnant and still had not chosen anyone.
“Oh God.” He furrowed his brow and looked unhappy.
We’d been having “conversations” like this one for months. Every time we interviewed a midwife, James would say, “Great! She seems great,” and I would hesitate.
The midwives were great—I liked every one I talked to on the phone and the three I met in person. They all seemed smart and knowledgeable and compassionate and interested, definitely women I’d like to have as friends.
The problem wasn’t with the midwives.
It was with me.
Though I liked all these women, I didn’t want them touching my belly or sticking their fingers up my yaya or telling me what to eat or to have blood work done.
No one had been in the room when James and I conceived our baby. I was beginning to feel like childbirth is as private and intimate as making love and I had trouble imagining having anyone else present.
“I don’t think I want anyone at the birth,” I tried to explain to my worried husband. “I think I want to do it by myself. With you.”
The Kitchen Sisters are looking for stories and images and videos and writings.
We’re launching a new multimedia series on NPR this January, a listener collaboration in the tradition of Hidden Kitchens, Lost & Found Sound, and The Sonic Memorial Project. This one’s about girls. Girls and the women they become. Stories of coming of age, rituals and rites of passage, secret identities. Of women who crossed a line, broke a trail, changed the tide.
Small everyday stories, dramatic life and death stories. Stories from the middle of the city, to the middle of nowhere.
What women should we know about? What girl’s story should we tell? The famous, the infamous, the unknown, the untold. Women with public lives. Women with secret lives.
Call our NPR Storyline at 202-408-9576 and tell us your story, or the story of someone we need to chronicle. Or email us at kitchen@kitchensisters.org
And here’s The Contest. We want you to help us name this new NPR series. We’ve called it The Secret Life of Girls Around the World, The Scheherazade Project, 1001 Stories, all names we like but can’t go with for one reason or another. So, we turn to you to join our
brainstorming sessions. You can call or email us with your suggestions. Whoever picks the title will be featured on our website, get the full line of Kitchen Sisters products and productions, a wild boar dinner with forager, Angelo Garro, and the deep satisfaction of hearing the title you came up with on NPR throughout the year.
This soon-to-be-titled project will be full of richly layered sound and striking images, created by people around the world who help capture these stories of eccentric, trailblazing women and ground-breaking girls.
Join The Kitchen Sisterhood and help launch this new multimedia collaboration.
The Mom Egg, an annual journal, seeks flash fiction, prose, poetry and art for its Spring 2010 issue, which will be a print issue on the theme of "Lessons". The Mom Egg publishes work by mothers about everything, and by everyone about mothers and motherhood. Details on the site ("Submit"); you can also download a special online issue free ("Current Issue") and see samples from back issues. Deadline Dec. 31, 2009. http://themomegg.com.
Join us Tuesday, November 10th for a night of great fiction with Joanna Smith Rakoff, celebrated author of A FORTUNATE AGE and singer-songwriter/novelist/radio personality Stewart Lewis. Have a glass of wine in our exclusive Pen Parentis Upstairs Library bar, be part of a literary movement, and support contemporary writers who are also parents.
Joanna Smith Rakoff's novel, A FORTUNATE AGE, was a New York Times' Editors' Pick, a winner of the Elle Readers' Prize, and a selection of Barnes and Noble's First Look Book Club. She has written for the New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Vogue, O: The Oprah Magazine, and many other periodicals. Her poetry has appeared in The Paris Review and The Kenyon Review, among others.
Stewart Lewis is a singer songwriter, novelist, and radio personality. His soulful blend of pop and folk has been featured on TV and film and he has performed worldwide. He has published two novels, Rockstarlet, and Relative Stranger, which was hailed by best-selling author Augusten Burroughs as, "A droll, spirited read--terrific fun." His reports on "City Life" can be heard thrice weekly on WCBS News Radio. He lives in New York City with his partner and three year old daughter, Rowan. For more information, visit www.stewartlewis.com
DATE:Tuesday, November 10, 2009
TIME: 6-8 pm, come after work!
LOCATION: The Upstairs Library at the Libertine, inside the Gildhall Hotel @ 15 Gold Street, NYC.
DIRECTIONS: Walking directions from A/C (@ Broadway/Nassau) or 2/3/4/5/J/M/Z (@ Fulton) trains: Walk east on Fulton Street to Gold Street, turn right and right again at Platt.
Walking directions from 4/5 train or E train or PATH: From Broadway take Maiden Lane east to Gold Street (third intersection). Turn left on Gold and left again at Platt.
Enter through the lobby of the Gildhall Hotel and join us upstairs for a night to remember.
Literary Reflections is pleased to present our featured writing prompt response from October. We asked, "Is there a character -- dead or alive -- who acts as your muse? Does this character make frequent appearances in your writing or does he or she merely serve as a cattle prod in your everyday activities?"
Kirsten Butler wrote:
"Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you."
--Saint Bartholomew
It is said that each of us has a muse, someone or something that inspires us, drives us, and guides our lives. I have a muse and her name is Cancer. Not just any cancer but Childhood Cancer (CC).
CC and I are relatively new acquaintances, I must say. Oh, I had heard of her a few times before. But generally speaking, her name was only whispered in a far away corner or talked about on a quickly turned TV "children’s marathon." I honestly meant to spend a lifetime without ever having met her. After all, her name is so powerful, it strikes fear and dread into the strongest of hearts. And for good reason. So, when I tell you I wanted nothing to do with her, I'm being honest.
However, fate and CC had other ideas. And so, on a dreary morning in January, in a cold hard hospital room, CC sought me out. She wasn't to be denied this meeting. No! She intruded in my life and broke down my walls and demanded to be heard. And hear her, I did.
Since that fateful day, CC and I have become inseparable. She is always dreaming up new and interesting ways to keep me and my family on our toes. She has, indeed, been a vicious task master. Just when I think I have her figured out, she turns and throws a new "curve ball" our way.
But, knowing CC hasn't been without its advantages. As with any muse, CC has flashes of brilliance and I am privileged to watch her work. She has shown me beauty and sorrow, humor, agony, and blessings. Most of all, my muse has shown me myself. She has held up a looking glass, and I have bravely gazed into it.
What I find is not always pretty, not always comfortable. But, it is always insightful. She inspires me every day to never, ever, ever forget that this moment, right now is all we have in this life. All of our human plans for the future and all of our longings for yesterdays do not exist. We work towards them. We dream about them. We spend entirely too much time focused on them. But the only time we truly have is right here, right now.
My muse touches every part of every day that I live. She inspires. She degrades. She brings me to my knees. I like to wonder what life would be like right now if I had not met her. And yet . . . I cannot now imagine myself without her.
Kirsten Butler can be reached at dayspringjoy(at)msn(dot)com.