Caterpillars aren’t meant to live in jars. The confinement is too extreme. Nor am I meant to live much longer in the confines of my spasms. I will die soon and, in the meantime, I am living my memories, selecting the most precious experiences and enhancing their beauty.
When she didn’t know what else to do, she’d go for a walk. She would leave the triplets at home on the living room floor, blocked in by the couch on one side, the coffee table on the other, a line of pillows and books on either end. Leaving them there, surrounded by toys, seemed kinder than putting them in their cribs, behind bars, or forcing them out into the world. At eight months, they were coordinated enough to pull up on the coffee table but could not yet climb over, and though they could wave bye-bye, she preferred not to. She would slip away while they were absorbed in gripping and releasing plastic rings, babbling to each other in their private language. She never stayed out longer than two hours. When she returned, she’d find them asleep, or playing in slightly altered positions, rarely crying.