Naughty Mommy Interview

Literary Mama Senior Editor Heidi Raykeil's interview with Ann Curry on the Today show can be viewed here.

After her interview aired, sales of Confession of a Naughty Mommy jumped, driving the book from #77,093 on the Amazon sales rank yesterday to #39 (and climbing) today.

In other words, today Heidi's book sold more copies than The Purpose Driven Life, the latest P.D. James mystery, Rich Dad Poor Dad, The South Beach Diet or Love Smart -- the newest offering from Dr. Phil.

So much for the notion that sometimes seems to permeate the publishing world that moms don't have time to read fiction/creative non-fiction or that there are enough "Mommy Lit" books or "Momoirs" out there.

The Cost of Motherhood

The Dallas Morning News ran a piece on December 18 about the economic cost of motherhood, based on a study by economist Amalia Miller.

Miller discovered that a "year of delayed fertility leads to a 10% increase in career earnings, a 5% increase in career work experience, and a 3% increase in career average wage rate. The effects are not the same for all women, and women with college degrees, and those in professional and managerial occupations receive the greatest returns. Surprisingly, family leave laws are not shown to alleviate the tradeoff."

Miller is aware that she is treading on somewhat dangerous ground and seems careful to ensure that her research is not somehow twisted to blame mothers themselves for the economic imbalance: "It is no secret that Motherhood may be the remaining obstacle to women’s achievement of economic equality with men (Fuchs, 1988), and deferred motherhood may be a mean of reducing that inequality. At the same time, any financial rewards to motherhood delay are themselves a central component of the work-family conflict."

Food for thought.

LM Editor on Today Show

Literary Mama's own Heidi Raykeil will be appearing on NBC's Today show tomorrow morning in the 9am time-slot to promote her new book, Confessions of a Naughty Mommy.

Toronto Star Blogging Article

The Toronto Star ran an article today on "mommy blogs" and how mothers are connecting via the web. Author Andrea Gordon interviewed Literary Mama's Andi Buchanan and me (among others) for the article and Literary Mama received a nice mention in the sidebar article.

A major component of the article is about how blogging has allowed mothers to write openly about a wide range of issues they might not have a chance to (or the nerve to) otherwise discuss, including the "darker" issues like post partum depression or the decision not to breastfeed or maternal ambivalance.

Gordon also discusses how blogs not only allow mothers-writers to articulate their point of view to a wider community but how the comments function allows them to have a two-way dialogue with their readers. Although the article focuses mainly on the positive role of blogs in fostering community and allevieting maternal guilt, she also mentions how the relative anonomity of the blog can bring out the worst in some people.

Writer (and former blogger) Ayelet Waldman believes that it is the attempt to capture readers that drives the sometimes critical nature of the blogosphere: "There is a tone that you have to adopt in order to make your voice heard amidst the general cacophony. ...You have to make it pop. And an easy way for it to pop is to make it snarky."

I have to disagree. In my experience, there are very few consistently "snarky" mother bloggers. I have found that the voices of good bloggers (just as the voices of any good writers) are sincere. Some days they are snarky, other days they are tender. It seems cynical (and untrue) to make assumptions that bloggers are adopting a certain tone simply to build their readership.

Gordon concludes her piece with an excerpt from Miriam Peskowitz's response to Linda Hirshman (also featured on her blog), which in my opinion much more elegantly summarizes the nature of the mother blog world:

On our blogs, we write about the work that fills our days. It may read like boring trivia, but it's the stuff of everyday life, and it matters. We have joys and regrets, happiness and anger. These lives don't come with fancy names or titles, but they're honest and they're real. We've created an interesting and connected world. We've ended the awful isolation that can affect so many moms and dads. We're here, we're real, and we come from all walks of life.

A New Approach to Publishing?

Bethany Hiitola is a blogging mom who is taking the self-publishing aspect of the blogosphere one step further. She had posted a draft of her novel, Postpartum Euphoria, online in the hopes of generating some buzz and to get some bites from agents or editors. Could this be the start of something new?

A Moment of Silence

It is December 6.

On this date, in 1989, 14 female engineering students were murdered because they were women. Because they were, in the mind of a serial killer, feminists.

The Association for Research on Mothering has asked us to take a moment today to remember these 14 women, who today might have been at work or making preparations for the holidays or rocking their children to sleep had their lives not been cut brutally short.

Geneviève Bergeron

Hélène Colgan

Nathalie Croteau

Barbara Daigneault

Anne-Marie Edward

Maud Haviernick

Barbara Klucznik Widajewicz

Maryse Laganière

Maryse Leclair

Anne-Marie Lemay

Sonia Pelletier

Michèle Richard

Annie St-Arneault

Annie Turcotte

The "Elite" Talk Back: Linda Hirshman and Miriam Peskowitz Respond

One of the more provocative responses to yesterday's post, "The 'Elite' Talk Back" was by the original article's author Linda Hirshman. When I saw the comment initially, I steeled myself for criticism. Instead, my points were ignored (dismissal perhaps being the ultimate form of criticism) and Hirshman instead wrote an oddly personal response to The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother's Miriam Peskowitz, whose Playground Revolution blog entry I had referenced.

I'll urge you to read the comment in its entirety. Basically, it boils down to this. Hirshman and Peskowitz, both feminists, both authors, have different definitions of what is fodder for feminist analysis, as was revealed in Hirshman's interview with Peskowitz for the original article. Hirshman believes that the family must be redefined and "that perpetuating hierarchy with women on the bottom by psychological, ideological, economic or any other means is immoral whether it occurs in the family or in the pages of the New York Times." Peskowitz doesn't agree, believing that the family structure is rather more personal and complex and difficult to categorize as patently feminist or not. And, unlike Hirshman, she believes that there is still work to be done in making the workplace and society more family-friendly. Hirshman writes that she decided not to use any of the Peskowitz interview in her article "because I am trying to open a discussion of the justice of the traditional gendered family". Peskowitz's views did support her arguments.

But, surprisingly, Hirshman does not go on to offer evidence in support of her hypothesis that the family ought not to be immune from feminist criticism. She does not offer why she believes Times brides are a good indicator of feminism at work. She does not say why she did not challenge the patriarchal notions of money and power. She does not offer additional evidence to show how government and business are supportive of mothers and how the only real problem lies with us.

Instead of engaging in real debate, she simply simply dismisses Peskowitz's views: "So I don't blog on about my roofer or my morning sickness or whatever qualifies as sincere feminism in the weird space the internet creates." And goes on to blame Peskowitz herself for her side-tracked career.

Literary Mama asked Miriam Peskowitz if she'd like to respond to Hirshman's comment and here is her emailed response:

Wow. How does an author/blogger/mom even respond to a personal attack like that? The post is clear evidence that writing about the Mommy Wars and about the judgment that's dished out to all mothers doesn't exempt one from taking it on the chin. Ouch.

Yes, once upon a time, I had a low-paying, high-prestige full-time job. Unfortunately, it didn't come with onsite childcare, paid maternity leave, or other supports for working parents. Not wanting to totally ditch my career, I took an unpaid leave of absence. I found part time work elsewhere. Then I quit the first job. My story of career sacrifice is shared by moms throughout America. 25% of us are out of the paid workplace, 37% work part time. Some feminists can only see us as disappointments. I disagree. Instead of judging us, why don't you look at where the problem is: The problem is not that smart women make bad marriage decisions. At core it's about how the workplace hasn't changed to support family life. Not nearly enough.

If that makes me a bad feminist, well, that's okay. Call me names. I've got better things to think about, like getting moms and dads across our nation, and in every neighborhood and economic class, to start thinking about how the frustrations our families face are structural, how they're not about our own individual failures but about a lack of paid family leave, fair wages for women and mothers, realistic work hours, reliable and affordable childcare, or chances to get back into the workplace after some time out. And that's just a start.

I'd like more of us to feel comfortable speaking out, and imagining what real change for mothers, fathers and families might look like. I'd like us to call our politicians, write to our newspapers, pressure our corporations, in short, use any of the usual tactics available to us as citizens in a democracy. I'd call that keeping our eyes on the prize. We need real social change for family life, and we need it now.

In my book The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother (Seal Press, 2005), I tried to write about all of us. About white women and black women. About a few affluent moms, and a few welfare and former-welfare moms. About ordinary middle-class school teachers. About daycare workers. About women who are honestly trying to make a go of it in a society that doesn't help. About women and families who are kept absent from our national media, which much prefers to focus on the affluent, as if only the rich matter. I stand by my comments, especially as they're echoed throughout the blogosphere. We're all having a time of it out here; there are few good family choices for mothers or for fathers. Our national media insists that only the upper economic sliver of families matters. That's a travesty.

Well, it's late, and I am a tired and very pregnant woman itching to get to bed. But I can't end without defending the mom-and-dad Internet, where we real moms have morning sickness, sick kids, and other frustrations. Real dads sometimes quit their jobs and stay home to care for kids. We do boring things like fold laundry and cook dinner, day in and day out, as do our partners and spouses. We work, earn a living, feed our spirits, and find ways to get our kids to sleep through the night. Sometimes we have homes that need new roofs, and yes, we write about all of it.

On our blogs we write about the work that fills our days. It may read like boring trivia, but it's the stuff of everyday life, and it matters. We have joys and regrets, happiness and anger. These lives don't come with fancy names or titles, but they're honest and they're real. We've created an interesting and connected world. We've ended the awful isolation that can affect so many moms and dads. We're here, we're real, and we come from all walks of life. I'm sorry to hear us described by Hirshman as "weird."

To end, I'll assume that most readers of Linda Hirshman's post will realize the odd way my words were out of context, and leave it at that. Since I was never asked permission to tape record our telephone interview, readers should know that they are not reading my transcribed words but an oddly remembered version of a conversation.

Miriam Peskowitz

Author, The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother

www.playgroundrevolution.com

www.hylands.com/forums/

I'll say it again: Amen to that.