Return of the Happy Housewife

A little while, Literary Mama published my review of Darla Shine's Happy Housewives. I half expected Shine to respond as she had to some of my previous blog posts, but my review was greeted by silence.

Perhaps she hadn't read it. Perhaps she had and was pleased: although I was not a huge fan of the book, I did try my best to be fair.

Well, as it turns out, she did read it. She even commented on it. She simply did not comment on it on Literary Mama.

Andi Buchanan had blogged about the review on Mother Shock:

Jen Lawrence, of TO Mama, MUBAR, and LM blog fame, takes a long hard look at the current "sexy housewife" movement in her excellent, in-depth Literary Mama review of Darla Shine's Happy Housewives titled "The Feminine Mistake." It's long and well worth reading, as it touches on everything from Flanaganalia to the troubling sexification of domesticity to feminist bashing and mom-on-mom judgment cloaked in the rhetoric of "values" and "choice."

And there, buried way down deep beneath all of the comment span, was a response from Ms. Shine, which Andi forwarded to me:

"Troubling sexification of domesticity to feminist bashing and mom-on-mom judgment cloaked in the rhetoric of "values" and "choice." What the hell does that mean? You really are reaching here aren't you?

You know, I try not to respond to all of the bloggers writing about me because I do not want to stir this pot, but you are really funny. I had to respond to your quote.

As for the Literary Mama review saying my book isn't well researched, Hello! It is not an acedemic paper. It is a fun book, specifically written in journal style for moms to have a good time reading. Fun, a word you just don't know about. I do have a sense of humor and I laughed all the way through the review of my book on Literary Mama. Do you all try to prove how smart you are using big words? Are you so smart that you just can't absorb satire, is that beneath you? Do you understand that when I write, don't talk to your husband, just have sex, that it is a joke? Don't you get it? I guess not. Maybe if you opened yourself up and laughed a bit, you wouldn't be so uptight.

We do agree, that the Feminine Mystique is an amazing work. I have a copy too. Does every mom's book have to be a serious look at the plight of women?

And speaking of provoking, who is provoking the mommy wars? I'm not. You are the ones who continue to write about me. I specifically wrote a book for women who CHOOSE to be home. I wrote in the first few pages that my book is not for women working full time. There are so many books out there for career moms, God help us all if one book comes out supporting the stay at home mom, and you all get yourselves into a frenzy.

I wrote my book as a journal, to help other SAHMS, like me, who were having a bit of a struggle being at home.

Maybe you should all focus your energy on improving the workplace for moms, maybe then all women would get what they really want, mom share programs, flexibility, quality child care, and longer maternity leave. Maybe instead of trashing me all over the internet you should use your strength in numbers for a bigger cause.

I don't know why you would write a review saying you don't want to give more publicity to my book and then promote the review on your other website? Who asked you to review my book? Take it off your site.

I do think that maybe you did enjoy Happy Housewives a bit. I do think that if you would allow yourself to get off your high horse, you just might realize we aren't that different. It sucks being a woman. Having to choose your career or your kids. We have to do it all. Hold it all together. Some days are a nightmare. I wrote in my book that we should all come together to support each other, that if we did, we would be the most powerful political group. We could take over. But, that will never happen will it?

And let me say for the record. Why on earth would any of you not agree with what I am saying. Why would you allow yourself to work for a male owned corporation where you were not being supported as a mom? Why would you leave your child in day care for 10 hours a day? Why shouldn't you agree with what I am saying? If we refused to work with any company that did not support moms, that company would topple. The fact is women decide what car, what house, what vacation, what the money will be spent on, and corporate America would have to wake up if we banned together and demanded some respect.

You try to spin my book into something it's not. I am not trying to repress women. In fact I tell moms that they can achieve everything from home. Which is why some of my biggest fans are Doctors, Lawyers, Educators, and women who realize they can start their own business and set up shop right from their homes.

The stay at home moms are getting powerful. I think that's what bothers you the most. And that is really sad.

Oh and for the record, I don't serve dinner every night in an evening gown, it was a photo shoot.

I'll file that under things that make me say "Hmmm". I do, however, want to highlight what I think is a very astute observation on her part -- one that I've written about myself in the Canadian context -- is "If we refused to work with any company that did not support moms, that company would topple. The fact is women decide what car, what house, what vacation, what the money will be spent on, and corporate America would have to wake up if we banned together and demanded some respect." Amen to that. That's exactly the reason I am so hard on books like hers which seek to divide us. (After penning my review, one of her fans left the following comments on my personal blog: "I can't believe you would say that you don't miss your babies when you are away from them! Why would you have them? Shame on you" and "Why are you bragging about being a lazy homemaker? And Darla is not stepford, and neither am I. Why do women have babies and then don't want to be around them?" Oh no, that's not divisive at all.)

The ironic thing about all of this is that although I seem to have be held up as the humorless, anti-stay at home mother poster-girl, I've been invited to appear on ROBTv (a Canadian business channel) this week to discuss how I disagree with the views of some radical feminist thinkers like Linda Hirshman who devalue at-home mothering and caregiving.

I think I'll file that under things that make me say "Hmmm" too.

It's a Girl!

Andrea Buchanan (Literary Mama's Managing Editor who is currently on hiatus) is winding up her blog book tour for It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters. Highlights from the blog tour can be found on Andi's personal blog.

Learning to Write, her essay from the book, is excerpted in her current Mother Shock column on Literary Mama.

Mama Sez and Other Opinionated Writing

Literary Mama has launched two new sections for your reading pleasure.

LM's new Op-Ed section features blistering, humorous, controversial, and of course opinionated commentary. Check out the latest piece by Susi Elkins about the Bush Administration, Budget Cuts and Big Bird. And if you have something to say, let our Op-Eds department know. We're always loking for fresh and opinionated voices.

Mama Sez is a new column which features the voices of Literary Mama's editors discussing hot topics in mother writing. The aim of this column is to be more of a discussion forum for mother writers and we welcome your comments (and we do mean you, yes you, sitting in the back row there, averting your eyes).

The current column deals with the frustration of mother writers who have been told by the publishing world that mothering has been 'played out': that the handful of texts about mothering is sufficient, and what the world really needs are more books about the Civil War, polar expeditions, the Kennedy clan and golf. We'd love to hear what you're reading, the impact mother writers have had on you (can you even imagine a world without Operating Instructions?), and your rejection stories.

Caitlin Flanagan Interview and Literary Mama Managing Editor on CNN

When Caitlin Flanagan's editor approached me about reviewing her book, I asked her if Flanagan would agree to an interview with me. I had already read To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife and was, in fact, penning my review for Literary Mama when she contacted me. And I really wanted the opportunity to have a little peek at the woman behind the persona. So, earlier this week, I had the interesting experience of chatting with Flanagan over the phone. She revealed to me her advice for being an mother-writer and surviving the publicity whirl, some clarification around the omission of the infamous "when a mother works, something is lost" line from her book, and her favourite easy dinner recipe, among other things I'll include in the author profile.

I also asked her about her appearance on The Colbert report (Salon.com has the video for those who missed it). I wanted to ask her in particular about the "lobotomy" exchange as I wanted to confirm that her comments had more to do with being on Comedy Central, than with what she truly believed.

This was her clearly prepared response to my question: "The Colbert Report is a piece of serious television journalism. No one is to construe it as comedy. When Stephen and I talked on air, we were talking journalist to journalist, American guy to American gal. And that's the follow-up."

***

Managing Editor Andrea Buchanan's book Mother Shock was listed as one of the top 10 books to buy for mother's day on About.com.

On Mother's Day, Andi was on CNN to talk about her books, It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons and It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters. Andi's blog entry, which describes her experience and links to the transcript, can be found here.

USA Today, Readings, Censorship and More

Managing Editor Andrea Buchanan was featured in today's edition of USA Today. In the article, Literary Mothers Gender-flect, Andi discusses her books It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons and It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters and shares her personal experience with raising both a son and a daughter. Andi will be in New York on Saturday for a reading at Coliseum Books at 2pm and will be joining Miriam Peskowitz (The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars) for a Mother Talk hosted by Isabel Kallman of Alpha Mom.

Joyce Maynard appeared on the Today show on Tuesday to discuss her take on the mother-daughter relationship as revealed in her essay, "The World's Most Beautiful Baby -- Take Two" in It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters.

Popular children's author Patricia Polacco recently had her invitation to speak at the International Reading Association (IRA) Conference revoked after refusing to soften her criticism of the "No Child Left Behind" mandate in her speech. Her website indicates that the conference sponsor SRA/McGraw-Hill was not comfortable with her position as they publish a number of the texts and materials which support the No Child Left Behind mandate.

LM contributor Elrena Evans will have her essay Birthing: A Process in Vignettes included in the anthology Twentysomething Essays by Twentysomething Writers.

On May 6th, former Literary Mama Editor Sophia Raday read from her essay "Shotgun Wedding," which is included in the anthology Tied in Knots: Funny Stories from the Wedding Day. She will be doing a reading from her essay "Panamerico" in the anthology Mexico, A Love Story at Get Lost Travel Books in San Francisco on May 25.

With a number of recently published books fueling the Mommy Wars mythology, it is refreshing to see The Motherhood Manifesto receiving some press.

LM Wants Your Opinion: Call for Submissions

Literary Mama is looking for short (500-900 words), strong, topical, opinionated pieces for the monthly OpEd feature. LM is not a paying market but it is read by some 500,000 parents and writers as well as editors and agents. Click here for submission guidelines.

In order to help get those synapses firing, here are the upcoming themes:

June

The Stories We Tell: Books, urban legends, television shows, gossip
-- what do you think of when you hear the word stories? How have the
stories you've heard shaped you? How do the stories you've told
define you? We're looking for short, strong, opinionated essays on
anything that can fit the theme "The Stories We Tell." Ties to
current events a big plus!

July

Crossing State Lines: We want to hear your short, strong, opinionated
essays that resonate with our op-ed theme of Crossing State Lines. Is
there something going on in the world today that makes this theme
resonate with you? Whether you're talking about travel, laws, culture
or Red State/Blue State politics, we want to hear what you have to say.

August

Square Pegs, Round Holes: Fitting in, sticking out. The assumptions
we make about each other and how they drive our policies or our
principles. What's happening in the world today that fits our theme
of Square Pegs, Round Holes? We want to hear your short, strong,
opinionated essays on this month's theme.

Literary Mama Update

Once again, Literary Mamas have been busy.

Literary Mama Columnist and Senior Columns Editor Rachel Sarah's Flawed and Fabulous Moms is May's Big Story on BabyCenter.com. In her article, Rachel interviews a number of real-life, imperfect mothers about topics like maternal guilt and the myth of doing it all -- a much-needed message at a time when we are likely to be bombarded with the images of toned, devoted, changing-a-diaper-is-better-than-winning-an-Oscar, seemingly-perfect celebrity mothers in the lead up to Mother's Day. A number of LM contributors are quoted and there is a nice link to Literary Mama.

Associate Profiles Editor Helaine Olen's wonderful essay Meet You at the Sandboox -- After Class appeared in the April 30 edition of the Washington Post. In it, she challenges the necessity of baby music/gym/language classes and focuses on the need for free play.

Literary Mama: Reading for the Maternally Inclined was given a lovely review by Kim Moldofsky (who blogs at Hormone-Colored Days) in Chicago Parent. "Savor this collection of works like a box of fine chocolates," she writes.

Literary Mama contributor Linda Blaskey (Babysitter) recently read with Delaware's Poet Laureate Fleda Brown as part of National Poetry Month.

Literary Mama Poetry Editor Rachel Iverson has launched her website for MomsWrite, a writing workshop for mothers in New York City.

Managing Editor Andrea Buchanan is busy with the launch of her newest anthology, It's a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters. Last week, Andi read from her essay "Dirty Laudry Saved My Baby's Life," which is featured in Therese Borchard's recently released anthology, The Imperfect Mom. On April 27, there was a broadcast of her interview on Lisa Belkin's "Life's Work" show on XM Satellite Radio's "Take Five" channel, and Andi and a number of the book's contributors spoke at a MotherTalk in Philadelphia. This past Saturday there was a MotherTalk in Bethesda, MD featuring Andi, Miriam Peskowitz (The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars), and Marion Winik (Above Us Only Sky). An interview with Andi will be featured in USA Today's May 10th Mother's Day edition and Andi will be making the following appearances in the upcoming weeks:

Monday, May 1, 10 am - I'll be on Philadelphia's morning TV show "10!" on NBC 10 talking about "It's a Girl"

Wednesday, May 3, 7 pm - "It's a Girl" reading at Barnes & Noble featuring myself and local contributors at the Rittenhouse Square Barnes & Noble, Philadelphia, PA

Wednesday, May 10, 10 am - Speaking at a meeting of the Neighborhood Parenting Program, 4620 Griscom Street, Philadelphia

Saturday, May 13, 2 pm - "Mamapalooza" reading at Coliseum Books, NYC

Saturday, May 13, 7:30 pm - MotherTalk featuring me and Miriam Peskowitz talking about "It's a Girl," hosted by Alpha Mom, New York, NY

Sunday, May 14, 6 pm - Radio interview on "Positive Living" WTKF 107.3