A Remedy for Mother Judgement

Well, first there were the CDC guidelines to treat all women as "pre-pregnant," as outlined in this article in the Washington Post and subsequent MetaFilter dicussion.

Then there was the breastfeeding awareness campaign that equated not breastfeeding with riding a mechanical bull while pregnant, as detailed in the New York Times article, Breast-Feed or Else.

And then, the constant policing of mothers was recently brought to light in the mainstream media by the Britney Spears interview on NBC's Dateline.

It's a tough time to be a mother.

Thankfully, there is a wave of mothering activism which is countering the mother judgement. MomsRising.org, a grassroots organization dedicated to moving motherhood and family issues to the forefront of US politics, is one such group. It was founded by Joan Blades and Kristen Rowe-Finkbeiner, authors of The Motherhood Manifesto. Literary Mama recently became one of their aligned organizations.

Recently, Judy Stadtman Tucker, founder of Mothers Movement Online, an organization founded to promote economic and social justice for mothers and caregivers, was the guest of honour at a Bay Area Mother Talk. Literary Mama Reviews Editor Rebecca Kaminsky gave her recount of the evening:

The latest Bay Area Mother Talk's guest of honor, Judy Stadtman Tucker, founder of Mothers Movement Online, led a discussion that lasted late into the night. We all left with our "inner activists" energized. Judy is dedicating her life to being at the forefront of the new Mothers' Movement, and it shows in that she came into our small group of Mothers and immediately had everyone involved in the discussion. The evening's topics included: how we can best further our cause, the meaning of "caregiving" and the place it should hold in the world of "work", the role writers play in activism, the latest in rocker mama bands, if and where "mommy wars" take place, parents' rights in the workplace, and what we'd like the USA to look like in ten years with mothers (and fathers and all caregivers) in mind. The evening's guests included Motherlode members Ursula Goulet, Sarah Raleigh Kilts, and Rebecca Kaminsky; Bloggermom and LM contributor Mary Tsao; and attorney and motherhood activist Charlotte Fishman. For a more detailed recap of the evening check out Mary Tsao's blogpost here -- and be sure to check out the comments which include a fascinating back and forth between readers and author of the MMO essay "Lucky": Shannon Hyland-Tassava. Thanks to everyone for a wonderful evening!

Leslie Morgan Steiner Responds to LM Review; Caitlin Flanagan Recommends the Halibut

Leslie Morgan Steiner responded to Mary Tsao's review of her book Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families on Literary Mama. In her review, Tsao wrote that while the book is a good one, its title and subtitle are unnecessarily divisive. Steiner responded:

I loved the Literary Mama review of Mommy Wars. I just wanted to explain the title.

What I found in talking to hundreds of moms over the past three years is that the worst "mommy war" is the one inside women's heads as we struggle to come to peace with our choices (or lack of choices) regarding work and kids. Nearly every college-educated mom I know struggles with whether she's made the "right" choice about how to balance raising kids and working. It's an inner dialogue that sometimes causes us to lash out at other moms who've made different choices -- hence the so-called "mommy war" between working and at-home moms.

No one in America tells moms that we are doing a good job. We all need to tell ourselves, and other moms, that we are good mothers. No "perfect mom" exists, despite the commercials, television programs, and articles that seem to insist that some kind of perfection is possible if we try hard enough! Moms are like snowflakes -- no two are alike. This doesn't mean we are better or worse than other mothers. We are simply ourselves.

Ask yourself "would I like to be my own kid?" This will give you a lot of answers about just how fine a mother you are.

All the best,

Leslie Morgan Steiner

Meanwhile, I had emailed Caitlin Flanagan to let her know that the author profile and book review had been published on Literary Mama. Flanagan did not comment on either piece, but instead sent me this:

Spray a pyrex baking pan with Pam
Put halibut steaks in the pan
Drizzle with combination of teriyaki sauce and olive oil
Put crumbled feta cheese on top
Bake at 375 degrees for 15-20 minutes
Serve with couscous to which you have added some chopped pecans and fried cranberries

Different authors, different approaches to publicity.

Sophia Raday in New York Times

Check out LM columnist Sophia Raday’s essay in the NY Times Modern Love column at Diary of a Soldier's Wife: Tie-Dye and Camo Don't Mix

From the column:

My husband is like the Lone Ranger: he leaves a trail of bullets in his wake. Not silver bullets, but gold 9 millimeters, orange "simunitions" and menacing hollow-points with bronze tips.

I find them at the bottom of the washing machine, next to the pile of mail in our front hall or mixed in a heap of change. He is a police officer in nearby Oakland, Calif., a former SWAT team member, and a colonel in the Army Reserve. Sometimes when I gather the cool bullets in my palm, I stare at them and wonder: How did I, a Berkeley resident, a former peace activist, someone with a "Bread, not bombs" button, end up married to The Man?

After reading the essay, you can read more about her love affair with "The Man" at her column here at Literary Mama: Mama Athens, Daddy Sparta

Rebecca Kaminsky guest blogger at Washington Post

Just wanted to let folks know that today (Tuesday, June 20) LM's own Rebecca Kaminsky will be a guest blogger, filling in for Leslie Morgan Steiner at her parenting "work-life" blog on The Washington Post's website. You will find her at: On Balance.

And please join in the dialogue by posting a comment!

You can read more of Rebecca Kaminsky's work at one of her columns here at Literary Mama: Down Will Come Baby

Interview with Caitlin Flanagan

My interview with Caitlin Flanagan and review of her book, To Hell with All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife, have been posted. If you have any comments, we'd love to read them here.

LM Update

Ericka Lutz and Marjorie Osterhout have taken on Senior Editor roles at Literary Mama. Ericka is responsible for the content side, bringing to the page the same fresh and bold content you've come to expect from Literary Mama. Marjorie will be making the very complicated technical side of running a web site look effortless. Amy Hudock continues to act as Editor-in-Chief. Andrea Buchanan, Managing Editor, is on hiatus for the summer but you can catch up with her on her blog.

Ericka Lutz will be teaching a four-week course through mediabistro.com on Writing and Reading Your Short Fiction in San Francisco (July 17-August 7). Ericka recently read one of her short stories at the Boston Fiction Festival.

DotMoms recently featured an interview with Managing Editor, Andrea Buchanan where she discussed Literary Mama: Reading for the Maternally Inclined .

If you've ever thought about submitting something to Literary Mama, you might want to check out the LM Editors' column, Mama Sez. Creative Non-Fiction Writers might want to read Editor Jennifer Margulis's tips for getting published in her two-part essay On Rejection. And those who like to end their pieces about mothering with "but it was all worth it" might want to read Shari MacDonald Strong's Pat Is a Name, Not an Ending.

Suzanne Kamata, Fiction Co-Editor will have an essay published in the upcoming anthology about mothering, Not What I Expected.

Poetry Editor Rachel Iverson has been accepted into the fiction program at the Iowa Writers' Workshop. She is starting the workshop this week and we look forward to hearing about her experiences at one of the country's most well-regarded writing programs.