Literary Mama writing about the many faces of motherhood
If You Give a Man Some Nookie

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(with apologies to Laura Numeroff)

If you give a man some nookie,
He'll wake up in a good mood,
And if he wakes up in a good mood,
He might let you sleep late.
He'll take a shower and maybe throw his briefs into the hamper.
When he comes out, he'll hear the baby.
After he changes her diaper,
He'll take her to the kitchen and put her in her highchair.
When he fills up the coffeepot,
He'll notice the sink is full of greasy pots soaking.
He'll look under the sink for dish soap and
Notice the pipe is leaking.
You might have mentioned this to him.
He'll get the baby her sippy cup, a banana, and a handful of cereal.
Then he'll clear out under the sink.
Looking at the pipes, he'll decide he needs to fix it
With a wrench.
He'll run downstairs to the basement and grab a wrench from the toolkit.
That doesn't work. Which means he'll need
Plumber's tape.
He'll wipe the baby's face with a dishcloth and take her to her crib.
Then he'll bring you a cup of coffee.
Looking at you in bed he'll realize
He's tired.
So . . .
He'll climb into bed,
And chances are if he climbs into bed,
He'll want some nookie.


Susan Barr-Toman is the author of the novel When Love Was Clean Underwear. Her blog Philly Word of Mouth covers local Philadelphia authors and literary events.


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My grandmother was widowed four times. When I asked her if it was hard adjusting to the different men, she shrugged and said, "They're all the same."
This is hilarious. I've read the cookie version SO many times, and this follows the rhythm perfectly. Gave me a laugh to start the day. Thanks Susan!
Thanks, Katherine. It was so much fun to write. And Sandra, there is definitely a universal truth to it.
I'm just smiling all over the place!
So funny! Thanks.
This is so funny, great idea. Thanks!
You nailed it, again, Susan! I'm going to love sharing this! Great work!
How fantastic, how funny, how true!
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